1.20.2012

Not So Small - well sort of, in a way - News

I've been excited about this post for awhile. You'll have to forgive the delay, but life has been crazy and as it turns out a little time to process big changes in small packages is what this woman needs.

Mainly because when I first glanced down and saw in faded blue a small "+", my thoughts went something like this:

BABY.... Us?! 
BABY.... How should I tell Husband? 
BABY.... I can't even remember to pack my own lunch. 
BABY.... {deep breath} Wow. 


That was several months ago, and today I've carried another person with me for nineteen weeks and tomorrow we get to find out if this person is a boy or a girl.


*Hello, Little One!*

And by little, do I ever mean little. Right now (s)he is not much longer than a sweet potato, and his/her femur is a mere 3.5cm long. I'll definitely post better, ungrainy pictures that weren't taken on my cell phone at a later date. 

Now that I finally am letting the greater world in on our news, I can finally share what the Lord did (and is doing) to change my heart about motherhood. I will save the bulk of this for my next post; but, I wanted to share what God just showed me this morning. (Warning: It's all quite rough because this was about an hour ago that I first talked to God about it.) 

I was reading in James 4, and several verses stuck with me: 

"Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God ... Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded ... Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." (v. 5-10, emphasis added)

My mom and dad always told me that marriage brings one's selfishness to the surface, and parenthood shows you exactly how deep it goes. And I would chuckle and think, "Oh, I can only imagine."

Lately God has been asking deep things of me. Things that aren't easy to give up or submit to God. Things I've given Him valid reason of which to be righteously envious. 

And part of my journey in the wee stages of motherhood has been to realize that having children might be one of the only ways I, personally, would be willing to give these things up. This tiny soul will need me in a way that leaves me scared and humbled, and on my face before Christ, begging Him to make me more like Him. 

And the craziest thing is, I don't mind at all. I know days full of tears will come. Where this small one will hurt me and my husband, and rest assured we will fail them; but even in the midst of knowing there will be pain, I cannot help but desire to give up anything, with joy. Even the things I've held so tightly to for so long, all for the sake of the person growing inside me. 

It reminds me of how I felt on my wedding day, but multiplied a hundred-fold. 

And, as understanding more of Christ as a groom & husband made so much more sense when I was married, now understanding more of God as Father & Parent is becoming a pulse-quickening reality. 

12 comments:

  1. Wow! Congratulations to you and Kyle! So exciting! A new realm of understanding God was opened up to us when our son Mason was born. Your LT friends from Kent, OH will be praying for you!

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    1. Thanks Matt! We definitely appreciate the prayers. :)

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  2. SO eloquently put dear niece! You write beautifully - be sure to print these blogs out for keepsake in a journal or book you create for him/her -- these thoughts will be cherished by that little one some day.

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    1. That's not a bad idea. I could totally see myself saving my thoughts on Baby and printing them out as letters in the future.

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  3. TOOOOO-MORROW! TOMORROW! I CAN'T WAIT, TOMORROW! IT'S ONLY A DAAAAAAY AAAAAWAAAAAAAAAY! [we so excited]

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  4. How exciting!!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!!! Congrats

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  5. I LOVE that God gives us the privilege of being parents! He did that so we could have a giant glimpse of His heart! (Otherwise He would have just made us spring fully grown from an egg or something...)

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    1. Ha! I'm so glad he avoided the egg. Thanks, Nicole. :)

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  6. Congrats! Motherhood in my experience has been the most amazing gift ever! This blessing will bring you and Kyle so close together and it will give you a totally knew appreciation and understanding of the Powerful Love God has for us! :-)

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    1. Bailey! I love your blogger name. Thank you for your sweet words. Also, your family is precious!:)

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