12.12.2012

Of Books & Birth

You know those desires or goals you have that you're too scared to speak out loud, because then you might actually have to do something about it?

Yeah? Me too. 

I have wanted to write a book for awhile, and only lately have I gotten serious about it. Which, probably had something to do with having a baby and losing a big chunk of my "downtime" and then realizing it was actually just wasted time. 

ANYWAY. 

So, as I was saying, I've been approaching this desire to write a book a lot more seriously, and, not to use an overused analogy, (but I am) ....  

I have wondered if it's going to be a lot like giving birth. 

Wait don't go! I promise I won't talk about how it's really hard work, but all worth it in the end. Though I'm sure that's true.

Something I found very interesting about the whole process of labor and delivery was how a woman's labor could "stall out." By that I mean, come to a grinding halt. 

This was interesting to me, because I always thought it was kind of like a roller coaster. In that once the ride starts going, there's no getting off till the end, if you know what I mean. 

However, in one of our birthing classes, our instructor told us that one of the reasons a woman's labor can stall out is unprocessed fear about the birth

She told a few stories of women whose labors almost ceased all together or were significantly slowed by an unspoken or undealt with fear that was attached to the baby coming. 

Her point was: get it all out now! (The fears, that is.) The result was having to do tremendously awkward communication exercises with our spouses in front of the whole group. (Believe it or not, I get pretty shy in front of people I don't know. (That's why I blog all my feelings onto the internet!)) 

And it helped. A lot of the things we spoke about in the birthing classes, my husband and I would continue speaking about at home. We spoke about my fears, his fears, and were able to encourage each other and take our fears before God. I'm convinced doing this made Z's birth sweeter. 

And this is where I connect the circle. 

There are quite a few fears I have attached to writing a book, and I'm going to list them all here: 

1. That no one will like it. 
2. That it will be one of 10,574,295 books written on the same subject. 
3. That I won't ever, actually, really, truly finish it. 
4. That I'm doing it to make myself feel smart and cool and so I can say things like, "Oh, I know, in my book I discuss that aspect of blah blah blah....." 
5. That it would not be a good use of my time. (This one may seem kind of silly, but I know for sure moms, and anyone who has a person/job that is high-demand in their life, will understand that sometimes, you get to a point where the thought of putting a huge amount of effort into something that really won't amount to much kind of makes your head explode.) 

I think part of doing anything that demands more than we have inside us is wrestling through fear. Certainly that was true of having Z, and I imagine this won't be much different. 

And I certainly have seen God's faithfulness, and the one thing He has shown me so far is that, if I were to write a book, it may never get published or even read by anyone else except me ... and probably my husband. 

But that really wouldn't be the point of writing it, would it? If I felt like it was something the Lord was asking me to do. 

Are there any goals or dreams or desires that you've had for awhile, but something's holding you back? 

6 comments:

  1. I'd read it! Especially if it had a picture of your family on the jacket.

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    1. We'll all be wearing matching sweaters.

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  2. Christina,
    I don't think we've ever actually met, but I'm pretty sure you friended all the female leaders at our church, and when one of your posts popped up on my news feed as I was desperate to do anything that wasn't studying for exams, I read and could not stop reading. Your truths, the way you get to them, the images you use, the voice with which you write, your boldness and honesty; all of it is really, really good. I can honestly say that I feel blessed by reading what you have to say, and I would absolutely support you by buying or reading your potential book. I don't mean any of this to seem creepy or overly complimentary, but just reading your fear of negative perceptions of your work, I had to tell you the truth, and I know I'm not alone in this opinion. Anyway, keep it up! It's good and powerful stuff.

    -Meagan Rolling

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    1. Meagan,

      Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This was so encouraging to read. :) Not creepy at all! Thanks for sharing that with me.

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  3. Replies
    1. I'll have you know, I thank God quite often for blessing me with such an amazing mother-in-law.

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