Lately I've become disillusioned with my dreams/goals that have to do with writing. I spend fifteen minutes cruising the web and think, Truthfully, does this world really need more opinions?
This is a very sad question for someone like me to come across, as sharing my opinion is something I really love to do.
I used to think it was necessary because there's a lot of other people sharing their opinions that are different than mine, and isn't balance important? (Read: I'm right and they're wrong and everyone NEEDS to know this.)
Then I realized Jesus didn't "share His opinion" that often, except to the Pharisees. He more often than not told stories and seemed to be more about the doing than the saying. I wonder, sometimes, if Jesus walked the earth today, would He facebook, tweet, blog? Would He communicate grace through a social network and within 140 characters?
Or would He be that neighbor that you always see outside talking to other people in the neighborhood. Getting to know people, stepping into their lives graciously, cracking jokes, living life alongside people in a quiet way that changes them. You know, one of those people that's really good at loving others in real life. Not from behind a computer screen or a smartphone.
Before you think I'm spiraling into a pit of cynicism or attempting a poorly shrouded, tongue-in-cheek statement about how we're all addicted to the internet, let me say that these are genuine questions my heart has been turning over. I recognize the good that comes from the the ability we have to communicate in this day and age.
And not to point out the obvs... but I do have a blog.
Here's the question(s) I'm asking: What is the most God-glorifying way to use this gift of words? What's a worthy investment of my time while on this earth? Blogging? Writing a book that (best case scenario) a decent amount of people read, share their opinion about my opinion, and then forget about it?
I also don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Words are still powerful tools, and I feel God has gifted me with the ability to put them together in a powerful way.
I'd rather spend my life writing love letters to my husband, lunchbox notes for my children, and making every birthday, get well, or "just because" card I send the best. card. ever., speaking words of truth & life & encouragement into the daily routine of those around me, than write one book that does nothing more than sit on people's shelves.
Two things that break my heart: when people miss the love of Jesus and when they miss it because someone did a bad job of communicating it, whether by words or action, both of which this woman has been guilty.
Because of this, when I write something and think, "Yes. That's it. That's as close as my humanity will allow me to communicate the grace that breathes for me," my soul feels a step closer to my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I'm so full of words about Him that they bubble out of me and land on whoever is closest. Ask my husband.
I know I'm supposed to write, because it's how I worship; and, I don't want to attempt to use for my own glory what God gave me to use in the holy moments between He and I.
So I only write of how God has changed me, how He woos me, how well He loves me.
How He flooded my life with life. With a husband and now a son. With a biological family that is also a spiritual one. With friends that breathe grace with me.
For me, this is what's worth writing about.