Today was a hot mess of laundry, tears, and scrubbing spit up stains out of our new(ish) couch.
Maybe my fertility's returning, maybe it was (yet another) crazy hormone flux while my body continues it's adjustment to the oh so steady not-pregnant-yet-breastfeeding state. Maybe I finally hit that wall that comes from going out of town every weekend for the past month. Maybe it was a combination of all of these things.
Here's a few things I learned while in my crazy:
1. Pinterest is the place where security & being content go to die. My emotional descent began when I logged on to look up a few ideas for a DIY menu planner for my kitchen. Thirty minutes later I found myself staring at the yet-to-be-decorated walls of my home, judging them and myself for their emptiness.
2. Next time I feel this coming on, someone send me a polite, yet firm, text message that says this, "Leave. Your. House. Now." and then a few minutes later send another one, "And going to the grocery store doesn't count."
3. These are not the days to attempt an intense cleaning project that you have to google instructions for because you've never done it, like cleaning all the baby spit-up stains from an almost brand new couch. Who needs the stress of potentially ruining new furniture by trying to clean it when you're so on edge that the wind changing direction makes you burst into tears?
4. Try to tell your husband things that normal you would feel so that he will understand your rage is not actually because the way he breathes is annoying. Example, "When all of this is over I would be really sad if I made you feel like you were doing a bad job of being a husband, you're amazing, but right now all I really care about is getting my way."
Tonight I had a chance to be with friends and think about things besides babies and to-do lists, and as always that helped a ton.
Right now I'm simply glad that days like this come just like that... in days, not weeks or months, but days. It's good to remember.